Hope Remains

My run this morning was thick with metaphor.

That wasn't the plan.  It was supposed to be a simple, breezy 5k before work.  Everything seemed pretty normal at the start.  Got up and out when I wanted to and the weather was gorgeous.  Even found my headband, which was nice.

Probably about 3/4 of a mile in is when things started falling apart.  I started panting and wondered if my inhaler worked and then started worrying because there's no way for me to even know that.  I'm sure that didn't help my breathing.  Then I started getting upset that I was already tired a mile in.  Ok, I was really mad.  Then the rest of the run I walked on and off, even though I didn't even have to.  There were times I was walking when I wasn't even breathing heavy.  So mental.  And at one point I saw a dead "pinky" in the gutter.  A "pinky" is a hairless rodent newborn.  "What the hell is THAT supposed to symbolize?" I said aloud.

About 2 miles in I almost quit.  I could easily have taken a left and gone home.  Thankfully, I didn't.  But, it wasn't like I was super happy to have finished.  It was a 35 minute 5k, which isn't horrible, but it's worse than usual for me.  And that was the biggest problem in my mind...

Things aren't getting any easier.

That's what I told Julie when I got home.  A 5k should be simple by now.  It should be fun and easy.  And it's not.  It's still hard.  It's still a struggle.  A struggle to keep going; to finish.  And that's pissing me off.  And here's where the metaphor comes in...THAT'S LIFE.  Great...I'm actually crying right now.  It's an amazing and incredibly important revelation for me.

I'm not sure why, but there are a lot of things in my life right now that are really hard.  I'm having trouble pushing through.  It gets so tiring trying to stand up and fight all the time.  And it seems like things should get easier at some point, right?  But, that's not always how it goes.  You can prepare the best you can and still have to slog through.  The question becomes: is it worth it?  Is it worth it to fight through the crap, to keep going?  To press on through the pain?  To grit your teeth and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

As I head toward my first half, just as in life, I believe it is worth it.  It has to be.

Here's to Thursday's run being a good one.  Maybe not easy, but good.